The International Bullying Prevention Conference – An Amazing Learning Opportunity!

I have been involved in some manner with the International Bullying Prevention Association  (IBPA) since its beginning eleven years ago in Atlanta, Georgia.  Each year I have watched the organization grow and I joined the Board of Directors in 2010.  The annual conference has become arguably the best opportunity world-wide to learn cutting edge strategies to prevent and respond to bullying and also a place to gain new research insights to inform our practices in the schools and community.   As I review the program for this year’s conference in San Diego, I marvel at the breadth and depth of the sessions and realize that for many attendees the biggest challenge will be deciding which session to attend as there are so many great offerings.  Fortunately handouts and slides will be shared online afterwards for those who wish to be in two (or three!) places at once as I do.

In addition to the conference, IBPA hosts monthly webinars that provide continuing education on hot topics such as legal issues, cyberbullying, restorative justice, identity-based bullying, and more.  The membership fee allows access to these webinars free of charge.  I recommend anyone interested in the field of bullying prevention and positive school climate take advantage of the membership opportunity.  By staying abreast of research and learning about effective and promising approaches to reduce bullying, we can all make a difference in our schools and communities!

Parenting in the Digital Age

 

Parenting has changed in the last ten years as kids increasingly live out their lives online.  Parenting in the digital age does require some new awareness, but it is not difficult to do.

Begin by modeling positive behavior:  Take breaks from technology, establish no cell phone or other device time, collect phones or use docking stations at night, and model civility both online and offline.

Talk to your kids about what sites are okay and what sites are off-limits:  Don’t just tell kids not to go to inappropriate websites, help them understand why these sites are against your personal values, morals, or ethics.

Talk to your kids in a developmentally appropriate manner about the “grooming” techniques that are used by online predators.  Kids should know that individuals might hide their true identity online.  They should avoid responding to individuals who request personal information or photos.   Teens should understand how nude photo sharing could lead to exploitation and extortion.

Discuss behaviors you want them to embrace and what behaviors you want them to avoid: Online learning, research, creating, communicating and sharing ideas and projects are positive behaviors.  Yet there are negative behaviors to avoid such as cyber bullying, inappropriate site, photo or video sharing, plagiarizing and cheating.   Remind your kids that anything shared digitally can potentially be public and permanent.

Educate yourself about appropriate ways to monitor your child’s digital world.   Use monitoring to encourage conversations and “course corrections” when necessary.  Be careful not to over-react, but use this information to ask questions and have teachable moments.

The following are tools and practices that can assist you:

  • Set up agreements on what sites and behaviors are okay, but let your children know you will be monitoring to make sure they follow your family guidelines.   Monitoring is especially appropriate with new users of social media.  But recognize that it is nearly impossible to monitor all of the devices and apps that children are using on a regular basis.
  • Keep in mind that communication is more useful than solutions based on technology.  As children demonstrate responsible use, parents should be monitoring less and less, particularly if a teen has demonstrated that he is making good choices. Parents can instead ask teens to show them around their favorite sites, ask for tips on how to use it, and discuss how they make decisions about privacy and sharing.  They can also ask them if they know how to report abuse or terms of use violations.
  • Encourage your kids to be upstanders rather than bystanders.  Kids rarely intervene when they witness bullying and cyberbullying, but when they do it is usually effective.  Discuss strategies that can help their peers and how demonstrating courage can help others. Highlight that private support and listening can be just as effective as intervening in the moment.

The following websites offer great tips for parents and teens:

Connectsafely.org

Commonsensemedia.org

Stopbullying.gov

Why we need to discourage use of the term “bullycide.”

The link between bullying, cyberbullying, and suicide has generated much attention, and a new term has even been coined to describe a death by suicide when bullying has played a role.  The term is “bullycide,” and I heard it frequently at a national conference I attended recently that focused heavily on bullying.  This term is misleading at best and harmful at worst.  Here is why:

The term “bullycide” is inaccurate because it suggests that the person engaged in bullying (the bully) died by suicide.  Yet it is primarily used to describe a death by suicide of someone who was bullied.  So the term, standing alone, lacks sense and accuracy as it is frequently used.

More importantly, suicide prevention experts remind us that we need to be very careful about suicide in the media in order to avoid “suicide contagion.” Suicide contagion refers to in increase in deaths by suicide in the wake of high levels of media attention and very dramatic publicity after a completed suicide.   It stands to reason that bullying prevention experts who provide simplistic causal messages regarding bullying and suicide may also be contributing to a contagion factor by suggesting that suicide is a direct and common reaction to bullying – particularly if these experts speak to youth.

The term “bullycide” also suggests that an individual died by suicide solely because he or she was bullied.  While the research is clear that being bullied is a risk factor for suicide, it also suggests that a suicide is rarely the result of one factor and almost always is partly due to underlying mental health issues.  Of course bullying has also been correlated with depression and anxiety, which can place an individual at greater risk of self-harm.  Typically many complicated factors contribute to such a death.  But the message that we want to portray to our youth is that help is available when faced with bullying or depression, rather than the notion that suicide is a common or normal reaction, or that it was the only way to escape abusive behavior.

Be especially careful about the issue of bullying and suicide if you are involved in bringing performances, movies, or plays to a youth audience as part of a bullying prevention program or awareness activity.  Suicide prevention experts caution us to avoid presenting or describing the method of a suicide.  Such descriptions may lead to imitation by vulnerable or “suicide receptive” individuals.  Yet I have witnessed performances that share the method and and/or detailed descriptions of an attempted or completed suicide.

My point is not to minimize the impact of bullying.  It can be devastating and lead to health, academic, and emotional consequences.  But as I noted in my previous blog post, our messages to youth need to focus on hope, strength, and resiliency.  Instead of presenting a play to students that dramatizes bullying and includes a death by suicide, let’s share stories, plays, and presentations that demonstrate reaching out for help and positive bystander behavior.  After all, isn’t that the behavior we wish to see in our youth?