The International Bullying Prevention Association recently celebrated the 10th anniversary of its organization with its annual conference in Nashville, TN, November 10–12, 2013.
As an attendee for the past 10 years and a board member for the past four years, I am excited to see the growth of the organization and the evolution of the bullying prevention field. There is a growing recognition that we need to move beyond labels and use comprehensive school-wide approaches that build connectedness in our schools and communities.
In fact, many of the speakers, including Ernie Mendez, Emily Bazelon, and Stan Davis, highlighted the idea that we need to move from thinking of youth involved in bullying in black and white terms, such as bullies and victims (or bad versus good). Adults need to keep this in mind as we develop our approaches, recognizing that the aggressor one day may be the target on another occasion, and the single best predictor of youth engaging in pro-social behavior is how connected they feel to the adults in their life, as well as to their school and communities. In short – are we making sure that we have ways to ensure that all kids feel connected to at least one adult in the school?
We also need to take time to develop the capacity of our youth to deal with the very real challenges of navigating the social world. Life is hard. All of us will be challenged at multiple times in our lives. So increasing our capacity to deal with the challenges — developing resiliency — is another emerging area that is gaining traction in the bullying prevention field. Including social-emotional learning (SEL) in our schools is key, a fact highlighted by Marc Brackett of the Ruler Approach, a model that facilitates the development of emotional intelligence among youth.
Finally – we need to be reaching out more to parents to help them understand their role in building resiliency among our kids. The current media attention to bullying, cyberbullying and suicide has frightened many parents to the point that they panic when their children are targeted by mean, cruel, or bullying behavior. I heard an expert on trauma (Brad Reedy, Ph.D) speak recently, and he reminded me that the parents or other adults in a child’s life have a role to play in reducing the impact of trauma in kid’s lives.
We need to become a safe container for our children where we can acknowledge the uncomfortable feelings and difficult challenges they are facing. Our response must also convey that we can handle hearing this in a calm, non-reactive manner. Such a response will support them to work through the difficult emotions dealing with fear and a loss of control. While our messages need to convey that the child is not at fault for being targeted, if the adults in the child’s life panic or react with increasing anxiety or hyper vigilance, we can in fact worsen the impact of the event on the child. Some parents or guardians may need to seek professional guidance to deal with their own stress levels.